The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has
been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European
communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased
plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly,
sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be
replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters
kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like
"fotograf" 20 per sent shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the
new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated
changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the
horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan
be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors
be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted
in ze forst place....