Euro English
 
 The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been  reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European  communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
 
 As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English  spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased  plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).
 
 In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly,  sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be  replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters  kan have one less letter.
 
 There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the  troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like  "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the  new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated  changes are possible.
 
 Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always  ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of  silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.
 
 By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by  "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from  vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer  kombinations of leters.
 
 Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze  forst place....